It’s crazy what a little sunshine can do for you. I woke up a LOT last night. I was either trying to avoid getting sick or trying to avoid passing out. The two go hand in hand with POTS. My nose has been stuffy for to days now and I was already exhausted. I woke up to the sound of sweet little voices saying “mommy… we only have one bag of oatmeal left”. Now, I am not a morning person already but I am the only parent home in the mornings. I woke up like a brick. My eyes burned and my body was weak and shaky. I got the breakfast out of the freezer (thank you, Friday morning me) and then let the dog outside. It’s been pretty chilly here and I was dreading the morning zoomies routine where my dog is a menace indoors until I run him out back.

To my surprise, the sunshine was a much welcomed addition to my morning. I immediately felt a half step better as I took a deep breath in and let the sun hit my face. I decided to forgo my shoes and let my feet touch dirt. It felt for a moment like time stood still… until my 90lb puppy decided it was a great time to use me as his emergency break and his body slammed into mine. I decided to head to the office for an adjusted work day and it wasn’t til I got home 3 hours later that I realized just how nice of a day it was. I sat in my chair in the back and just let the sun hit my face. It’s like the day and the troubles and the illness just melted away. A new mercy from God. My kids were giggling in the background as they built a fort out of miscellaneous toys in the yard and the dog was just gnawing on a stick at my feet. I almost got up and got my book but felt the breeze whisper “be still”.

We’ve forgotten what rest actually looks like. We fill our silence and downtime with screens and podcasts and comparison and then call it rest instead of calling what it is, disassociation. I’m just as guilty here. So I sat. First with my eyes closed and then staring at the clouds. It’s funny how fast our minds then ask for stimulation.

I started to hear the buzz of a bug in the grass near by and a bird call out in the trees. The Holy Spirit reminded me of Matthew 6:26 “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”. Another reassurance that the sun still rises after the night is over. That I am seen and loved and cared for more than the birds of the air that I marvel at. God actually gave us dominion over them. He spent days creating the earth and then put us over His miracles, His good works. Made in His image.

A reminder that the heat can be good. The fire doesn’t destroy us, it purifies. It perfects. It gives you something new. All I could do was mutter “Thank you”. I needed the sunshine and He knew I needed the rest. I didn’t want to come inside but I eventually did because my munchkins required dinner. I had to turn the heater in the house back on. The darkness of the night returned. The air is crisp again. Without it though, I think I’d forget how glorious the sunshine is. Tomorrow, I want to pause to find rest again…

Under The Sun.