Our life is so instant. Instant Mac and cheese. Instant oatmeal. Instant access to everyone via phone calls or texts. We have options and apps to get our paycheck early, before we’ve earned it. We can get fast food any day of the year. There’s a chicken restaurant at every corner. If we are upset, we can find someone on the Internet that justifies our thoughts or feelings faster than we can find truth. I can find and buy anything I desire online with the push of a button. We literally have an instant pot for our own personal meals. We are constantly doing and going from one place to the next in days filled with busy. We never stop moving and everything feels sped up or instant.

Comparison is everywhere. We are always chasing the newest gadget. We photoshop and AI everything. Want to look slimmer? There’s a filter for that. Someone across town has a nice new shiny car. The friend we had in high school just took their third vacation the year. Susan rolls up to church dressed to the nines with make up on every Sunday, even with 3 kids in tow. Carla from the store just posted about video about her kids and the house is spotless in the background with kids dressed in matching outfits. Social media loves to show us just how great everyone else is doing.

The enemy begins to speak inadequacy.

The world teaches us that our worth is in how much money we have, how successful we are, how new our gadgets, and how much we can contribute. Our worth is in our work and in what people can see.

I started life out young. I had my first kid (with my now husband) a little after I turned 19 and sometimes, it feels like I’m still trying to prove I’m not still a “little kid” barely making it while trying to raise a kid. It doesn’t come from others… usually. It comes from myself. I should be more mature. I should be building my house by now. I should have more in savings. I should be able to buy a new car for my husband. I should be more disciplined with my schedule. I should be able to maintain my dishes every night and put the laundry away every day. I should blah, blah, blah. I’m 27 for crying out loud. The smallest amount of defeat can set me off and I’m instantly praying over the thought that I am a terrible mother, housewife, friend, employee, (Insert relevant title here).

My worth begins to be in my performance or outward appearance. In the things the world values.

Now my house isn’t trashed. I put a lot of effort into maintaining it, but two days full of work, appointments, store runs, sports, or study groups later and I have dishes sitting out on the counter, and Mt. Laundry begins to take its rightful place. Does everyone have a chair or bed or carpet that just holds a pile of clean laundry? It can’t be only me. I often feel like a clown juggling all of the roles and if I focus on one, a different one drops. OR when I finally get what I think is a rhythm, my autoimmune and auto inflammatory issues flare up and I’m down for the count, physically incapable. Where are my invisible sickness girlies at? I don’t think these problems are just for people in their 20’s either. Would someone please put my life in a microwave and make everything get to where I want it?

I’m also a recovering perfectionist. I hate failing at anything. It’s transparently why I’ve put off staring a blog for so long.

I was graciously reminded that it’s excellence God is after (not perfection) and that things just take time. Everyone grows at different paces. We are in different soils, different life experiences. Galatians 6:4-5 says “For each will have to bear his own load”. We are accountable for our own actions and conduct, and comparison is the thief of joy. We don’t just arrive at perfection. We wouldn’t need Jesus if we could do it all without Him, now would we? The perseverance and the time and the trials are what refine us.

God is slowly molding me and shaping me into the person He wants me to be. Slowly removing the parts of me that don’t glorify Him while allowing me to learn and change. When we are so busy looking at the next best thing, the next goal, or the next door neighbor’s achievements, we miss out on our own blessings. It’s a slippery slope too. First comes the feelings of inadequacy. Then comes the negative self talk. Then comes lust and discontentment. Then comes greed. Next thing we know, we’ve idolized the treasures instead of God and we me miss everything God has right in front of us.

Philippians 4:11-13 talks about being content in EVERY situation. 1 Timothy 6:6-8 says “Godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothin gin this world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.”. Hebrews 13:5 warns us to keep our lives free from the love of money and to be content with what we have.

I want to be better. I want to be more present. I want to slow down and see beauty in the ordinary every day. I want to be less instant. I want excellence to be more important than perfection. I want to give myself the grace that God gives me.

There’s so much beauty in my current life…

Under The Sun.