I was optimistic about the sunshine, hopeful to have a day similar to yesterday. Well, it’s cold outside. And gray and gloomy. Suddenly, my message about the cold and dark helping me to appreciate the warm day is a distant memory. Of course my mind immediately feels a bit grumbly. I’m less enthusiastic about morning zoomies and I definitely don’t skip the slippers. We have an outing to attend today with friends and suddenly, the day’s outfit choices become a war zone with my youngest. There are four outfit changes due to protest or a lack of listening to the whole sentence coming out of my mouth. I can’t find what I need. I’m calling my mom to borrow her spare set from her house. As I’m loading everyone into the car, I see the breakfast milk still sitting on the table. I sigh and ask the kids to unload and come put away breakfast. Though still calm and kind, I can feel the grumpies slowly creeping in. “If everyone would just put things away instead of down, I’d have less to do”.

The outing was actually really enjoyable. I was overwhelmed sometimes and missing the help of my husband or parents, but it was a good test run for my oldest’s independence and it was so good to celebrate such a sweet friend in our lives. There was so much laughter and joy. I loved watching my littlest do things that she was scared to do. Confidence rocks. Doing things afraid, rocks.

Physical therapy SUCKS today. Everything hurts. New exercises. New sore muscles. The copay… I had a different therapist today and he was nice but there were two of us at the same time and I felt like it was hard for him to juggle. I pull into the driveway and I let out a big exhale as the idea of cooking another meal and doing 2 days worth of dishes sets in. I start internally grumbling at the list that continues to grow in my mind. I remembered my husband’s recently long days and could feel the upset rising. He is salary. I do bedtime solo. I clean up solo. I handle the dog solo. My mind starts to race “I wish he was home at a more reasonable time”. “I wish my kids would listen better”. “I’m the only one who picks up around here.” I “jokingly” said “Ugh. I don’t want to do any of this.” under my breath and it was that moment that I recalled a message from KLOVE that played earlier this morning.

It referenced Proverbs 18:21.

“The tongue has power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

OOF…

Our words are not just sounds. What we say holds weight and consequences.

Matthew 12:36-37 says “I tell you, on the day of judgement people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” and if everything we do is supposed to be for the glory of God, I have royally missed the mark. All day, I have been grumbling and whining and complaining about the little things and it continues to build and be negative. I’ve been irritated that my time and my life has been inconvenienced or that I have to…

We reap what we sow.

I wasn’t thankful for the cold gray morning. I mean I was sick yesterday and I didn’t stop to praise Him that I slept ALL night long. Undisturbed. I woke up with less of a stuffy nose and no stomach pains or weakness or dizziness. I didn’t need the sunshine to melt away the stiffness. My kids made their own breakfast. No help. They needed the reminder to put away the milk but they were able to make their own breakfast. I get to raise my kids to be good stewards. We never have a shortage of clothes. Unless I forget to wash my oldest’s jeans for a week. My youngest is creative and learning independence of her own. My mom had exactly what I needed and she was a short 10 minute drive away. I had so many blessings. I have food to cook because my sweet husband went to the store at 9:30pm before even coming home yesterday. I have dishes to do because we have been eating at home and making ice cream and muffins. My husband is working long hours to care for our family and care for his employees. He has done something amazing at work that he should be proud of. Oh yeahhhhh… Costly Worship (see the previous posts).

It starts with simple mindset swaps. From “I have to” to “I get to”. It’s finding joy in the little things. Saying “Thank you” when it doesn’t make sense. Praising what is good. The more you sow seeds of positivity, the more you harvest its fruits.

I took a shower and started to retell my day to myself in a different light. The already joyful moments felt even more joyful. The difficult moments felt a little less heavy. After I got out of the shower I felt like I could now tackle the tasks with a heart of gratitude. It’s just one step at a time. My worth is not in my work. I do what I can as if for the glory of the Lord… and you know what, our kids and friends and spouse pick up on that. When you sow seeds of positivity, people around you are more likely to redirect and do the same. It’s often contagious. Not everyone will reap what you sow. There’s a whole parable about that in Matthew 13, but it matters what we throw out there. Even if one seed takes, make sure it’s a good one.

I do believe the Lord finds value in asking for help and speaking honest prayers. I am justifiably tired. This is a HARD season I am in. I’m raising future adults. Little disciples.

SO…I’m praying for strength. I’m praying for healing. I’m praying for the Holy Spirit to grant me HIS fruits. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Patience, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control, and Self Control. Let those be the fruits of the seeds I sow. God, help me to be a reflection of you in this life…

Under The Sun.