If you can’t tell from the last post, I’m kinda in a funk. And I don’t want to live here in the funk forever. This time last year, my boss (and friend) challenged me to focus on Philippians 4:4-9. The back half of it reminds us to set out minds on whatever is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy, etc. And I took that to heart. If a friend tells you that you are not walking as close to Jesus as you could, I would hope you would listen. I wrote it on my bathroom mirror and took it upon myself to memorize it.

But putting something in your brain isn’t enough.

2 Corinthians 10:5 says “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

I’ve been beating myself up. Every dropped bottle of oil, every event that doesn’t play out like I had hoped, every unmet expectation that I gave myself continues to speak that I am not enough or that I am failing. I know it seems stupid that a bottle of oil would send me to tears, but it isn’t about the oil.

I had a meeting with my boss yesterday, as we do most weeks, and amidst relevant conversation, he stopped and praised my efforts at switching my thoughts. I hadn’t really thought about it much, but this time last year was ROUGH. He tasked me with that verse because life was heavy but it was running me through the dirt more than it should. Everything felt like the size of a boulder. Even little things, I would panic over and try to frantically prevent them from becoming another big thing. I do think that death has a way of sobering your mind and rushing your timeline and I dealt with 6 deaths within about a year-ish. But life was chaotic and it felt like it more so because of my own failure to surrender my thoughts and set them on what is true, just, noble, excellent…. you get it.

I had to take a step back and remind myself of that verse (even though it is on my mirror, it became white noise) and then understand that I have the power to change how I view things.

It seems fundamentally easy, like a no-brainer, but we don’t realize how far we have gotten until things start to swallow us.

I opened my front door this morning for some random reason and found a bottle of oil sitting on my porch. I went back and watched my cameras and a sweet friend (go read four corners) came and snuck a bottle on to my porch yesterday afternoon and I had totally missed it. God knew I didn’t need it yesterday. I needed it today. A sweet reminder that I am more blessed than I could even imagine. This friend is in her own hard season. It isn’t my story to tell but she is tired and in pain and has her own life to juggle. Yet, she still thought of me. I felt my brain all muddled this morning and I began to get all grumbly in my chest and I opened the door and immediately was reminded to take my thoughts captive, surrender them to Jesus, and then realign them with His truth.

I’m not saying that my feelings can’t exist, but I can make them bow at the feet of my savior and speak life over them instead of death.

We get to choose what kind of day we have. We get to choose our responses. We get to choose what we focus on. Make it count. Make it choose life. Even in the darkest places, we can find blessings. Even if it’s just that He opened our eyes today and put breath in our lungs. If you try, and I mean REALLY try, I bet you can find so many more.

I remember a tire fiasco a couple of months ago. I was late to work, dad was out of town, husband was at work 40 minutes away and I jumped in to my car to find a low tire. I drove to my parent’s house to use their compressor and it just wouldn’t work. It was cold. I was late. The hose was taped so my little hands could not fit the nose on. I left thinking “It’s only like 6 psi low, I’ll go to my FIL’s after work”. I left her house, my mom hopped in to the shower, and as I rounded a corner, my psi TANKED. I was still in the neighborhood so I pulled over and hopped out to find a completely flat tire. I called my co-worker (also a friend) and he came with an intern we had and unloaded my kids, put them in his car, took off my tire, and drove me to the tire shop. I get there and my whole tire is trashed. It’s not just a flat, it’s showing wires. I had JUST driven 4 hours away on the interstate for a weekend and then drove back. They patiently waited on my tire with me, we drove back to the car, put it on, only to find the other back tire in just as bad of shape. They followed me all of the way back, took me to work and then let me use his phone when I realized mine was back at the shop still sitting in my cupholder. I made an appointment with an alignment center and about $500 later, I was on my way. I was so frustrated that my day had been derailed (especially on one as inconvenient as this). But I was also so blessed. Blessed it happened while driving like 7 mph. Blessed to have not had an issue a few days prior on our trip while driving 75mph. Blessed to have finally had the money to cover it. Blessed to have people who fill in the gaps and love on me and my family. I was covered. The mindset mattered.

Today I am grateful for the sun. I a grateful for a job that allows me to be home with my sick kids. I am grateful for technology and wifi and a house and a husband who works so that I can keep the job that I have. I am thankful for my village that God gave me. I’m thankful for the spilled bottle of oil and the friends that see me. I’m thankful for a God who hears me and who knows what I need before I do. I am thankful for gentle reminders. I am thankful for a boss and friend that speaks life, even when it’s something that is correction and calling out my mess. I’m sure I’ll miss a billion things to be thankful for as I type this out, but I am choosing today to take my thoughts captive and make them align with God.

I am grateful for another good day…

Under The Sun