God meets your needs. It may not be how you expect or in ways that you want, but He meets your needs.

We have been in a season of chaos. Things are heavy and hard. My husband and I are trying to figure out how to be more independent yet still ask for help. I have a REALLY hard time accepting money. I already have a hard time asking for meals or for my yard to be mowed. I LOVE helping people but yet I feel like I am not as bad off as others so we need to just figure it out. I also feel incredibly undeserving.

We got a call on Tuesday saying we owed just shy of $8500 by today for my surgery. No payment plans. No partial payments. I was so shocked at how someone is expected to get that much money together in less than a week. Needless to say, we did not have it. But also… I was headed off to camp the next day where I was the head leader of 9 girls between the ages of 5 and 7 with no service. I could do absolutely nothing about it. My husband and I had some really hard conversation the night before we left which were definitely not going to be resolved in one night.

Suddenly, I felt empty and lonely and lost in my own head.

But God.

He showed up overwhelmingly big at camp. I witnessed my little girls do good and hard things. I saw them be afraid and do it anyways. I saw them try new things and tread in the waters of independence. I prayed with my daughter and another young camper in my cabin. I saw young boys near to my heart worship with their eyes closed and a hand on their chest singing “I want more of you God” like they really meant it. I saw my son thrive and pray with a youth student who has no idea the impact he has on kids. We have multiple baptism conversations happening. I saw a dear friend of mine step out of her comfort zone and accept the challenge to lead with me all while God healed some hurts in her heart. My heart was moved over and over for the four days at camp.

Then I came home and the house felt heavy again. First of all, that probably means I need to pray over my home. Whatever spirit has my house is not welcome here. I will be anointing doors tonight. Second, the reality of the work ahead and the pain I was in made me feel incredibly inadequate.

But God.

A few dear friends of mine stepped in to the needs of my life however they could. The hospital called me back and accepted our payment plan request and a few friends sent some money to help cushion the blow of the deposit. Friend after friend signed up for the meal train. I feel so unworthy. But that’s what the enemy wants you to think. We don’t want people to see our mess. We sweep it under the rug because the world has taught us that help means weakness. God calls it strength. We are gifted our community for accountability and conviction. For receiving help and giving it. For lifting one another in both praise and prayer. And while we still have a big chunk to figure out, I am in tears at how blessed we really are.

My Pastor and I were talking this afternoon about how it would be great if the blessings came on the mountain but sometimes they come in the valley because we need to be in the valley first. The valley is where trust is made. The valley is where refinement happens. The valley brings growth. The valley brings appreciation for the mountain tops.

I still plan to grow and change because we should never stop growing and changing for the better. But also, I am going to sit in gratitude for the blessings God has given us while still in the valley.

Here is a song that I have been singing constantly because it echos much of how I feel. Click the words “a song” to listen.

God I’m just grateful for you…

Under The Sun.