Woah, it’s been a while. I had my surgery back in June. Recovery has been long and slow and humbling. I still have a LONG way to go. It has shown me all of the places I still have not surrendered to God as well as all of the places in life where I was doing instead of teaching. Hello… missing the point of discipleship with my kids. When you have to call for help to even rotate your ankle a bit, you suddenly see how much of your life lacks teaching and it tests where you find your worth. They ended up rotating my tibia 35 degrees. I still have 2 very broken bones even though I was 8 weeks post op at the time of my X-ray. Yet they don’t boot or cast you. I am still walking(ish) and driving thanks to the rod down the entirety of my tibia. I am close to loosing my crutch in public but I limp if I walk too fast and I am suddenly, painfully aware at how fast the world moves. Especially mine. I have found myself broken and empty far more times than I care to admit. I’ve cried many tears at the desire to do the things I once did.

But I’ve also found myself crying tears of joy over the things I have never been able to do that I find myself suddenly able to do. Except for the new realization that your toes get pulled down by the blankets when you lay on your back… That’s from satan himself. Who knew!? The slowness has allowed me to stop and breathe and see every moment for what it is. To process. I’ve never realized how stressed out everyone is. How even my own jaw sat clenched as I moved as a blur throughout the day. I never knew how much I miss.

On top of surgery, the kids have started school. And sports. Usually we homeschool but the Lord opened door after door to make me realize that He was calling us to something new. Both kids are in a sport that is demanding. My days just look so different than even last year. Our garden has actually produced relatively well this year. My Job let me shift my hours so I don’t have awkward windows where I can’t do anything because I don’t have enough time but it’s too much time to just do nothing.

I suddenly find myself staring in the face of a new opportunity.

In the weeks that I could not do anything, I felt God telling us that we may be doing lots of good things but this was an opportunity to do what God wanted. Discipline and stewardship were the two words He kept repeating. Cue us re-evaluating everything. As crappy as it was, this surgery was what God was using to transform us and refine us and show us that He wants more for and from us than just good. I’m reminded that if I do not have love, it’s all nothing more than a resounding gong or clanging symbol (See 1 Corinthians). I think even in our day to day, if we do the tasks out of obligation instead of love, it’s empty and pointless. It’s just noise in our lives. Even us going to small groups or supporting our kids in the stands. I’ve found that the more you do things out of love, the more your body and spirit are sustained and at peace.

Everything is filled with opportunity if you stop and look at it. You are given chance after chance to choose God’s will and direction for your life above your own. Even the “good” things can pull you away from God. But God… is so faithful and good that even when we keep on trucking, He doesn’t let us stay there. He uses the hardest and most uncomfortable places to redeem and restore us.

I’m sure I’ll have lots more to share soon but I wanted to pop on and get rolling again. I’m not dead. In fact, I am far from it. I can’t wait to share all that God is doing while I am slowly seizing every opportunity…

Under The Sun.